Sixteen tons, and what do ya get?

A few months ago, I decided to stop dieting. I was sick of hating my body and always feeling like a failure. I did some research into Healthy At Every Size and Overcoming Overeating, and decided to implement some strategies. I've spent a few months appreciating my body, being grateful for everything I have, and learning to love myself a lot more than I ever thought possible. I threw out every piece of clothing that didn't fit and make me look gorgeous and, with the help of my mom, got a great new wardrobe for the size I am right now.

I've also spent the last few months eating whatever I want, whenever I want, and working on eliminating that cycle of guilt/shame/restriction/rebellion. I slowly started to focus on cravings, on the source of those cravings, and on eating more intentionally. I focused on how food made me feel. I focused on sleep and healthy movement.


In the course of this whole reawakening, I've learned some things. I feel healthiest when I eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables. Dairy makes me groggy. Animal fat can make me feel nauseated. Beer gives me the toots. Refined sugar makes me crave more and more refined sugar.

The other day, when I stepped on the scale for the first time in months, I had to spend some time talking to myself. Weighing used to be a daily activity that could make or ruin my morning. I told myself that I thought I was probably about 260 lbs. I told myself that, if I was more than, that, I would not feel ashamed or unhappy. I also told myself that, if I was less than that, I would not feel pleased or proud. It's a number. It's just a number.

I stepped on the scale and waited for it to settle on a number. 259.8 lbs. I smiled, but this time it was because I was proud to know my body so well. Proud that I was so in touch with myself.

The reason I'm back on this blog is because I'm ready to contribute again, from a new and healthier perspective. I'm back on Sparkpeople to track my eating and my work outs, and bring more precision to those observations I'm making. I've gained some weight, and I might not lose it, but this is about taking care of myself and being healthy. I've never loved my body more than I do right now, and I will love it if it gets heavier and I will love it if it gets lighter.